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Yesterday our first born turned 14 years old. I just can't believe it. The years have flown by and it seems like only yesterday I was carrying him around in one of those Baby Bjorn pouches. I look at him now and think to myself "precious time is running out". I'm well aware of the fact that he has four more years of school and then he's off to college. We have a great relationship and I know we will always be close but things will be different once he's no longer living at home. Brody had been talking about his birthday for weeks while eyeing up the latest electronic gadget and telling my husband and I how life would be so much easier if only he had one of "these" special items. He was willing to fore go any get together with friends or a party but loved the idea of dinner at his favorite restaurant with "just family" which means the four of us. I had made my own plans and also wanted to bring a cake to school so he could celebrate with friends. Turning 14 is a big deal and I wanted it to be a day to remember. I decided this should be a complete surprise so I kept my plans quiet. Brody picked Carrabas Italian Restaurant as the place to celebrate his birthday dinner. Keith and I agreed to give him money which would go towards that fancy gadget he wanted. He would have to come up with the rest though. Those new tech gadgets are so expensive!Everything was set and in place. All we had to do was wait for the day to arrive and start celebrating. Well, the day came but our plans didn't. Brody woke up with a fever, major head congestion and a horrible cough. Instead of cake with friends, he would be in bed all day digesting Advil and cold medicine. Instead of Carrabas Italian Restaurant for dinner, he would have cereal instead because it was the only thing that soothed his throat. We did present him with his present (yes, that fancy gadget he so desperately wanted) with an invoice for the remaining amount that he owed us to make up the difference. I felt SO bad for him. My heart ached. To be sick on your 14th birthday - now that's just wrong. I thought about how I would have reacted at that age and based on my personal history, I know I would have thrown a holy fit! What amazed me is that Brody didn't mind at all. He didn't whine, complain or make any comments that would suggest he felt sorry for himself. I was so amazed at how well he was handling this change in plans. I do think he was thrilled about laying around the house in his p.j.'s all day without his mom giving him a list of things he needed to do. I can be bossy at times :) When I told him how sorry I was because of the way things turned out on his birthday he said "It's o.k. mom, everything is fine. I'm just glad I got to spend the day with you and dad." Wow! God used my son once again to teach me a very valuable lesson. I thought the cake, presents, celebrating with friends and special dinner was the ingredients to make Brody's 14th birthday a success. However, he was completely content with just being with us. My focus was on things and activity. His focus was on relationship. This morning as I was reflecting on Brody's comment yesterday, the Lord whispered in my heart, "That's what is important to me... a relationship." God reminded me that it's not about the activity I try to generate in celebration of him. It's not even the acts of service that are most important. His focus is on relationship. It is only through spending time with someone that you actually get to know them better. I want to know God better. I want to seek him with all of my heart, mind, and soul. I want to see him more, hear his voice when he speaks to me and experience him in common and uncommon situations throughout my day. My focus is on relationship.
Well, yesterday I had my long awaited physical with my doctor. I don't look forward to physicals but think they are a vital component of staying healthy, especially as I get older. OUCH! Besides, Renee Swope insisted!!!
About two weeks ago, Renee and I were at a women's event in Sumter, S.C. and I woke up in the middle of the night with a racing heartbeat. It was REALLY weird and I thought to myself "I think my heart is just gonna jump out of my chest, right here and right now!" I was hoping it would subside but after several minutes, I contemplated whether or not to wake Renee up. After all, this may not have a happy ending.
Now, Renee was scheduled to speak 3 one hour sessions the next day. We had been driving all afternoon, went straight to the church for sound checks and got to bed really late. Plus, Renee is a super light sleeper so the idea of waking her up shortly after midnight made my heart race even faster. What if she couldn't get back to sleep and was exhausted the next morning? I didn't want anything to come between her and a rest-filled night. However, an overwhelming thought kept pounding in my head which was "wake up Renee and have her lay hands on you, NOW!" So I did exactly that.
She was so groggy yet so graceful as she prayed for me. After a couple of minutes an overwhelming peace came upon me and my heart settled down. We talked about it the next morning and felt like it was definitely spiritual warfare but she said "promise me that you're going to make an appointment with your doctor when you get home". So I did.
My doctor was incredibly nice. She's about my age so we hit it off right away. First, we talked details as to why I was there. As I shared my incident, she said "Leah, that is a classic panic attack". What? A panic attack? Actually, I had had panic attacks years ago (I'll save that for another post) but they felt completely different than this.
As we talked some more, our conversation went from physical to spiritual. I started sharing with her about my faith in God. She then shared with me a story about one of her patients who was a woman in her 90's. The question was asked to this 90 year old "What is your secret to a long life?" The woman responded and said "every night when I go to bed, I lay my head on my pillow and give all my problems to God".
We talked about casting our cares upon the Lord because he cares for us, and if he provides for the birds of the air and the flowers of the fields, He will most certainly provide for us. What started out to be a routine appointment turned into a God appointment. I no longer felt like she was the doctor and I was the patient but that we were two Christian women connecting on a common love for the Lord. Is was so neat!
I love when God takes my ordinary daily assignments and turns them into extraordinary divine assignments. I have a whole new appreciation for my doctor now. She's not only someone I can talk to about my physical well being but someone I can share my faith with too.
My sister recently gave me a book of inspirational quotes that I keep on my nightstand. I'd love to tell you that I read a quote each morning to inspire and prepare my heart for that day but quite frankly, I'd be lying.
The truth is that days go by and I forget to read my inspiration quotes. In fact, just last week, the only time I picked up this special book from my sister was to dust around it.
This morning was different though. It was as if the book was calling for my attention. As I read the quote, I just smiled. It wasn't the book that was calling me, it was God.
The quote was by Gary Smalley and John Trent.
"Take time today, if only for a moment, to lovingly encourage each one in your family."
Boy, did this sound familiar.
Just last night at dinner, my husband and I were sharing with our two boys the importance of speaking kind words to one another. They had gotten in a fight earlier that day and had started calling each other names. We needed to take action right away. We talked about how God wants us to encourage one another through our words and actions. That calling each other names is dishonoring to Him and those we love. That hurtful words can leave a lasting impression on our hearts that if left untreated, can fester into deep personal wounds. Then we prayed about it and the boys apologized to one another.
While I was cleaning up the dinner plates, God whispered to my heart "that goes for you too". He reminded me of something I had said to my husband right before dinner that wasn't very encouraging. Words that were dishonoring and hurtful. Words that could leave a deep personal wound if left untreated. How could I possibly ask my children to encourage one another through their words and actions but not hold myself to the same standard?
I immediately went to Keith and apologized. I replaced those harsh words from early that day with words of encouragement and love. I reconfirmed what a great husband and father his is. As always, Keith was quick to forgive. So was God.
Have you taken time today, if only for a moment, to lovingly encourage each one in your family? If not, I'd highly recommend it. I know from experience that it will produce wonderful blessings to everyone in your family.
The other day I was taking my youngest son to the video store when he asked "Mom, where do stars come from?"
First, let me say that I love when one of my boys asks a question like this one. It tells me that they are thinking, contemplating, meditating on something that is out of the ordinary. Secondly, let me say that I have forgotten everything I learned in school about astronomy so I responded by saying "Well, I think God made the stars solely for His enjoyment and for ours too. Since He is a God of splendor and creativity, I think He is revealing His mighty hand at work through creation".
My son looked at me and said " Well, I think God creates a star every time a baby is born. It's His way of celebrating a baby's birth". Wow!!!! What an awesome answer from a little guy but he didn't stop there. Next he said "Just think about it mom. Since God put the biggest star in the sky the day baby Jesus was born, wouldn't he put a star in the sky for every baby that is born?"
To tell you the truth I never thought of it that way. More and more I find that my children are teaching me biblical truths instead of me teaching them. Maybe this is why God said we should all have child like faith. To see things through a child's perspective can teach us a thing or two. My son hasn't spent years doing in depth bible stories like I have yet he sees God's fingerprints in the world around him and then takes time to share what he sees with someone else. That someone happens to be me.
I'm going to make this brief. After all, the last time I posted was on January 3rd. Days go by and I have a hard time keeping up. Can you relate?
The third part to my 2008 resolution was having a daily consistent quiet time with God. A lot of times women ask me "What does your quiet time look like?"
I can tell you with confidence that it is never the same. Sometimes I will read a devotional from Proverbs 31, Walk in the Word Ministries, or one from a favorite devotional book. Other times I'm in the middle of a particular study and just complete my assigned homework for that day. Another option would be to read a chapter from the Old Testament and New Testament. There are times when I put on a cd and just sing at the top of my lungs ( that's if nobody is home ). I may look over my pack of index cards that have scripture verses on them. There are even times when I just sit and talk with God about my "to do" list for that day. I ask Him to show me how to prioritize and plan then I wait and listen. I don't always receive a response right then and there but often times I do. It's the sitting still and not talking that is challenging for me. I'm working on that too.
I have to say that out of the three resolutions, this one is the most important to me and the one I have done the best at keeping. When I don't have my quiet time in the morning I can definitely tell the difference! So can my family or anyone that encounters me that day.
At first I really struggled with staying consistent but now I really look forward to this special time every morning. It sets my day off to a great start and helps me to remember what's really important in life.
As for 2009, my goal is to keep my 2008 resolutions and just improve on them. Especially the scrap booking and photo organization. Yesterday I had lunch with a friend of mine who sells Creative Memories. She gave me some helpful ideas on how to organize my photos. We'll see what happens.
O.k. On Thursday I told you about my practical resolution for 2008. Today, I'm going to tell you about my personal resolution for 2008. There were two parts.
The first part was to just take care of myself a little better in 2008. Ya know...work out, eat right, take my vitamins, and drink my Mona Vie every day. Blah, blah, blah. There's nothing remotely special about this resolution. Everyone on planet makes this resolution each and every year. But, to my surprise, I actually stuck to it. Well, not exactly. Not every day. What was I thinking! Every day!!!
The second part to my personal resolution was to start a blog. I guess you can say I accomplished that too, but not really. Ya see, I wanted one of those pretty blogs with all the cool colors, awesome images, fancy fonts, clever video clips and soothing background music.
As crazy as it may sound, I searched for months, looking for just the "perfect" image for my blog. I checked all the popular web sites too. Do you have any idea how many images are on just one of those sights? ZILLIONS OF THEM!! The more I searched for that "perfect" image, the more choices I would find. Instead of being satisfied with one, I became increasingly compelled to search for more. It was a vicious cycle! One that I created and one that only I could stop.
Many of my friends created blogs in no time. Why was I having such a difficult time completing mine? Why couldn't I just choose an image and move on? My good friend, Renee kept telling me, "Leah, just start writing and don't worry about the other stuff". But, I couldn't get past the "other stuff".
I'm going to confess something to you. I have issues and one of them is perfectionism. Perfectionism breeds procrastination. When I can't do something perfect, I tend to put that something off until I feel it can be done just right. Well, that's silly! Who does everything perfect? Do you know anyone who is perfect?
Actually, I do and His name is Jesus Christ. How I long to be more like Him. He lived a completely perfect life without sin. Boy, wouldn't that make life a lot easier. Or would it? Jesus received a lot of persecution for living a life of perfection. People didn't understand Him at times. His actions were sometimes unorthodox to the majority. He often times came under much scrutiny. Talk about pressure! Pressure like that would cause anyone to sin, but not Jesus.
Although I'm not perfect, I serve a God who is and He is always there to help me. I just need to ask Him and then receive His help. What I've also learned is that I can go to God with big things and small things (like taking care of myself and starting a new blog). He is ready to help me no matter what my request is.
Just so ya know, I've forwarded my practical resolution for 2008 over to 2009 and so far I'm doing pretty good. Not exactly perfect though but that's o.k. with me.
New Year's resolution.... do you make them? I do!
I love setting small goals for myself. They keep me accountable and focused. Without them, I could just wander around aimlessly with no drive, direction or motivation. I love creating a "to do" list and then enjoying the satisfaction of scratching out each line with a pen or pencil. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, no matter how small the task.
Last year I made three resolutions for myself. One was practical, one was personal and one was spiritual.
The practical resolution was to go through all of my children's photos and organize them once and for all! You know how it is, you take all those pictures, download them for developing at your favorite photo place, drive to the store, pay for them, bring them home, look at them, then stick them in a big box marked "family photos" and forget about them. At lease that is what I do.
Ever since I purchased my first digital camera (which was years ago), it became a lot easier to just look at the photos on my computer screen. I got real lazy and never bothered to get them printed. Now I have THOUSANDS of photos on my laptop and camera. I'm completely overwhelmed!
This could cost hundreds of dollars to have all these photos printed out! I don't have the time to sort through them! Which ones do I print and which ones do I pitch? Should I put keep them on my hard drive and save storage space in my closet for extra shoes? Would my kids look at them anyway?
All year long, I thought about my practical resolution. I planned time on my calendar to begin the sorting of photos. I dreamed of how nice the photos would look in those cute little albums. I imagined sitting with my boys and telling them stories about when they were little as we looked at the photos.
The only problem is that the photos never were sorted, picked, paid for, organized, placed in albums and enjoyed.
F-A-I-L-U-R-E!!! Not really, but that's how I felt, at least for a while. Then I realized that it was my choice not to follow through with my practical resolution for 2008. It wasn't that I didn't have the time, I just chose to do other things. It was my choice.
Those pictures are still available anytime I want to look at them. I have placed them on a portable hard drive for safe keeping and have saved a lot of money in printing costs. Maybe one day I will print them all out and put them in albums but for now, I'm choosing to do other things.
Believe it or not, I've learned something very valuable from my failed resolution. Although I chose not to follow through with it, I also chose not to beat myself up because of it. That's because I've hidden a very special scripture verse in my heart which is "For there is no condemnation (blame, disapproval, accusation, guilt) for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1 (NIV). That includes me! God doesn't think less of me because I didn't get my pictures sorted all pretty and perfect in a photo album and neither should I.
I'm so glad His word has freed me not only from sin but also from my silly thinking. What about you? Are you hard on yourself? Do you expect too much and then get frustrated when you can't fulfill your own expectations? Are you your worst critic? How is God changing your way of thinking so that you freely receive His grace and mercy? Please write and let me know.
Leah
