Thursday, April 16, 2009

Roller Coaster Ride of Emotions

Have you ever wondered why God gave you so many emotions? I sure do.

I often find myself on a roller coaster ride of emotions and I’m amazed at how quickly I can shift from one extreme to the other. Today is one of those emotional days.

As I type, I’m sitting in an airplane at 38,000 feet in the air. Renee and I are traveling to California for a women’s event which has been in the works for almost a year. I’ve looked forward to this day for so many months and spent the last week planning out all the details for my time away.

Today should be a day of nothing but joy, excitement and big expectations. However, there’s more that lies beneath the surface of my smiling face. My emotions of excitement and expectation are forced to share their space with others in my heart. Ones called uncertainty, sadness and regret.

Although I’m headed to California today, my 80 year old father is headed to the hospital for a Cat-Scan. This test will determine how much cancer is in his body. My father was diagnosed over 2 years ago with Lymphatic cancer. All last year he went through treatments. He has had 6 months of remission but today the doctors will check to see if the cancer has returned.

Although I’m headed to California today, my 76 year old mother is headed to a nursing home where she will become their newest residence. She has been sick for a very long time and my father has lovingly and sacrificially taken care of her each and every day. Although their love for each other has sustained them though many challenges in their marriage, it’s not enough to free her from the disease that holds her body and mind in bondage.

Although I’m headed to California, my husband is headed to Florida for a long week of work. Due to the bad economy, he has been without a steady job for over a year. We have prayed that God would provide some work for him in our community but that has not happened yet. Instead he will be away while I’m away, leaving our two boys with friends for the weekend.

My mind and emotions are so torn. Although I want to be right here, on my way to sunny California, a part of me really wants to be home with my two boys since my husband is away.

I also wish I could be with my father, driving him to the hospital and sitting with him as he has his test and gets the results from his doctor.

Then there’s my mom. I long to be with her too. To comfort her during this very difficult and confusing time. To calm her fears and hold her when she cries.

So many thoughts and emotions are swimming around in my brain. I feel very overwhelmed yet I know exactly what I need to do with all those thoughts and feelings.
I need to take them to Jesus and ask him to help me - to process each emotion separately. I need to surrender my thoughts, fears and concerns to him. I need him to remind me that there is nothing the two of us can’t handle together.

He knew in advance that I would be in California this weekend, ministering to a large group of women. Although these unexpected events were a surprise to me, they were not to Him.

I can rest assured in knowing that he ordained this day and weekend for me before the foundation of the world. That he is taking care of every detail and although I can’t be with my family right now, He is!

Believing these truths places such peace in my heart. I don’t have to worry about the what if’s and the whys and the unknowns? He has gone before me to make the rough paths smooth. (Isaiah 42:16)

I have learned that I can only find true comfort and peace in him alone. He is my source of strength and stability. He is my rock and my shelter when I need to find refuge from life’s storms.

This doesn’t mean that I dig my head in the sand and pretend like all the circumstances of my life will go away. It doesn’t mean that I turn my back on loved ones and think that they don’t need my help. It means that I walk in confidence knowing that Christ has carved a path before me and that he is by my side every step of the way.


  1. Hi there, I found you through Clark Rogers event...but just wanted to tell you that your words have encouraged me. Life is not easy. Situations are so heart-wrenchingly painful. Dispair could be so easy to give in to....but Jesus is and that is enough. Do you have siblings? Is someone there for your Dad? I have not read your blog in depth, but is your father a believer?
    God bless you,
    Cathy in NC

  2. Thank you my sweet friend for saying yes to God and walking in faith when it is so hard to leave your loved ones. I know God used you in a mighty way that weekend in California!!! I am so glad, so thankful you were there and I can't imagine how I would have ministered without you!

    But I also know it came with great sacrifice - that you surrendered to Jesus as a fragrant offering of your love for HIM.

    I am praying for you and your boys, and Keith, and your mom and dad. I know God is building your trust and I see a strength in you that reflects His glory so powerfully.

    I can't wait to be with you this weekend as we take a road trip. I pray that God will prepare a sweet time for us in advance!!!

    Love you!


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