Monday, May 25, 2009

Home Sweet Home

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat.

It wasn't because my husband turned up the thermostat too high or that I'm having premenopausal hot flashes. It was because I had a bad dream.

Actually, many people would consider it to be a really good dream - but not me. I dreamed that we sold our home.

About a month ago, my husband and I made the difficult decision to put our house up for sale. When we purchased it two years ago the our grand idea was that it would be a great investment opportunity. Our big plan was to fix it up, stay in it for two years and then sell. Sounds really good, right? I totally was on board with the idea from the get go.

There's just one problem though.

As much as I tried not to. As much as I told myself "Leah, don't get attached. " As much as I worked at staying focused on our big plan, something unexpected happened. When we began to spruce up our new investment, it no longer was just a house that we were living in. It became our home...Home Sweet Home.

Fun family activities began to take place.

Special conversations and wonderful life moments occurred.

Great memories were created.

God's presence filled each room, nook and cranny.

Home Sweet Home.

In the back of my mind, I whispered to myself and to God. Maybe our family business will continue to grow and we can actually stay in our home. Maybe God, you'll do something amazing and we can live here until our boys go off to college. Then I'll be ready to move,I promise! But, not just yet, God. Not just yet.

While I secretly dreamed and planned of staying, uncontrollable events began to happen. We were greatly affected by the economical down slope like so many of you. Instead of our family business thriving it became stagnant. Instead of our bank accounts and investments increasing, they started to decrease.

The decision time came.

The moment I dreaded.

Our home would be put on the market for sale.

Home Sweet Home.

Have tears been shed? Absolutely! Have I become more emotional? No doubt! Have I pleaded with God? You know it!

Something I've noticed through this process is how differently Keith and I are reacting to our current situation. He is excited and ready for the next house, the next move, the next experience. Yet, I'm sad, discouraged and desperately holding on to the past memories and our home. I'm not interested in moving or make any changes. I'm totally frustrated, thank you very much!

I've asked God to show me the reason why I'm reacting so differently than Keith is to the sale of our home. He's revealing to me through His word that the difference is found in our attitudes and thoughts. Although that has been really hard for me to accept, it's the absolute truth.

Keith is always ready for a new adventure with God. He always believes that if God chooses to take away something, He does so only to give us something better. Keith has the right attitude and thoughts.

I, on the other hand, struggle with doubt. Although I know that God's plan is good and daily read promises about his faithfulness to those he loves, I still struggle. I secretly think that God is some how holding out on us. Even though I know better, the thoughts still come and find residence in my mind. I have the wrong attitude and thoughts.

Remember that dream I was telling you about and the cold sweats this morning? My first reaction was to quietly climb out of bed, grab my bible and head for my cozy prayer chair in our family living room. It was there that I cried, questioned God's plan once again and ask Him to give me a verse that I could hold onto.

I flipped through my bible and ended up in Isaiah 43 where the following words jumped off the page.

Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wastelands.
Isaiah 43: 18-19

God is doing a new thing in my life. The key is that I need to stop dwelling in the past and perceive what He is doing today. I need to change my attitude and thoughts.

God is doing a new thing in your life too. Are you dwelling on the past like me? Do you want to hold onto things as they are right now? Are you afraid of change and doubtful that God will make something new for you? He is making a way in your desert and streams in your wasteland. Now it springs up, do you not see it?

Let's commit to trust Him together. Let's decide that today we will keep our thoughts focused on His goodness and promises. That our attitudes would be pleasing to him. Let's keep our eyes open to the new things that he is doing for us. I don't want to miss it, do you?

I want God to not only be a part of my life but to be my life. That he would fill every room of my body, soul and spirit. Every nook and cranny.

That He would be my home.

Home Sweet Home.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Share your comment here: