What Now - Part Two

Yesterday, I shared with you my question to God about my accident.

"Lord, what are you trying to teach me?"

His response was simply this, "Surrender."

"Surrender what?"

As I sat still, God whispered in my heart that He did want to teach me about resting in Him but in order to do that successfully, I needed to learn how to surrender first.

Surrender to the fact that I my routine would have to change for a while.

Surrender to the fact I would not be able to accomplish as much as I had before.

Surrender to the fact that I'd have to rely on my boys to pick up after themselves and not pick up and straighten their rooms for them.

Surrender to the fact that I wouldn't be able to serve my husband with home cooked means but that he would be the one serving me has he cooked and cleaned up after dinner every night.

Surrender my time.

Surrender my plan.

Surrender control.

There was that word again.... C-O-N-T-R-O-L.

Something I have struggled with all my life. I have feeling God is going to teach me a lot over the next few weeks while I ice, elevate, medicated, rest and surrender.

What about you? Does surrendering come easy for you? Are you a controlling person like me? What has God shown you in His word or taught you through life experiences that has allowed you to relinquish unhealthy control patterns in your life. I'd love to know.

What Now - Part One

Well, it's been 11 days, 2 hour and 36 minutes since my foot injury (not that I'm counting).

I headed back to the Dr. office yesterday for my follow-up visit.

The first question my doctor asked me was "how are you feeling?" My response was, "The strangest thing has happened."

I shared with him how I had been so good about icing, elevating and medicating my foot. How I was following ALL the rules. I proudly displayed my foot and boasted about how the swelling had gone way down. The only problem was that the pain in my foot had increased significantly and I didn't know why. I was experiencing more pain than on the day of my accident. The doctor started asking me some questions and it didn't take long for him to figure out what was going on.

Although I was icing, elevating, and medicating, I was also spending way to much time walking around on my wounded foot. Sounds ridiculous... I know! Although I was instructed to "take it easy and stay off of my foot", I was having a hard time actually doing it. I didn't mind all the icing, elevating and medicating but I didn't want to give up some other things that were important to me. I was still attempting bible study, meetings at church, picking up around the house, fixing dinner, driving my boys to sports activities, and even a secret trip to the grocery store. All on my injured foot!

Since I couldn't be trusted, my doctor ordered crutches for me and gave strict instructions to actually use them - everyday - all the time. Just when I thought my routine had been limited to the tenth degree, here was just another restriction and it was a big one.

This morning I poured out my heart to God in total frustration. I already knew that He was trying to teach me the art of resting through this whole accident and healing process. I really was trying to rest as much as I could. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I had cut way back on my normal responsibilities. Why wasn't it enough!

Now, I would have to have to tote around these cumbersome stupid crutches. People stare at you when you're using crutches. I didn't want anyone noticing me, let alone staring at me! It's almost been two weeks and I'm in worse shape than when I started!

I wasn't a happy camper by any stretch of the imagination.

Fortunately, God allowed me to blow off some steam. I'm so thankful that He's full of grace and mercy. After all, He could have fried me for acting like such a spoiled little brat.

After I had my little moment, I got real quiet and asked again, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me?"

I'll tell you what his response was in tomorrow's post :)

Pretty Feet

Oh my goodness!!! It has been eight days since my injury and my foot is still black & blue! I took some pictures of it but have no idea how to transfer them onto my blog. If anyone is reading this and knows how to post pictures on a blog site, I'd love it if you could help me :)

Today was my first trip to the grocery store too. As I shuffled down the store isles, I couldn't help but feel like I was regaining some sense of normality to my life. It's strange how something as simple as going to the grocery store can take on a whole new meaning when you've been out of pocket for a while. Especially for me. Shopping for food in general is an absolute labor of love for my family and cooking that food is an even GREATER labor of love.

Just a short while ago, I was sharing with a friend about my trip to the store. She commented to me "it's amazing how much we take for granted" and she is absolutely right! Sure, my routine has drastically changed over the last eight days but within a few weeks I should be back to status quo.

However, there are people in my life who have been in accidents which have resulted in multiple surgeries, weeks in the hospital and months of recovery. Other family members are dealing with months of chemo treatments and still others that will never recover from their illnesses.

The fact is... life is full of pain and with pain comes great trials.

Below is a quote from Charles Swindoll which some sweet person posted as a comment to my blog. I thought it was so profound I decided to share it with you.

"Life and pain are synonymous. You cannot have one without the other. Pain is a fact of life in this fallen world, and we cannot escape it. In fact, the goal in life is not to get away from the pain of it, but to endure through it, in fact, to triumph over it, while learning the lessons only pain can teach us." Charles R. Swindoll

I always thought the goal was to live a life that is pain free but we all know that is impossible. Many of us endure pain but to triumph over it? How can we triumph over pain?

When I read this quote I was reminded of Paul's letter to the Romans where he talks about how we should respond to trials that can bring pain into our lives. Take a look at it and let me know what you think.

³ We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. ⁴ And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. Romans 5:3-4 (NLT)

I believe that the only way I can endure pain and trials in my life is through Jesus Christ.

He is the one that helps me persevere through life's difficulties

He is the one who strengthens me when I am physically, emotionally or mentally weak.

He is the one that molds and shapes my character as He carries me through rough times.

He is the one who reminds me just how blessed my life really is.

It is only by His almighty hand that I am able to triumph over the pain in my life and be victorious.

What about you? Has God brought you through a painful experience, that once arriving on the other side, you were able to see how He had made you stronger for it? Has trials shaped your character for better or worse? Do you experience God's strength when yours is depleted?

Please write and let me know. I'd love to hear your story.

Doubt is the Flip Side of Faith

I'm writing today while propped up in bed with my feet gently placed on two king sized feather pillows. Now, don't jump to any conclusions. I'm not a lady of leisure who sits around all day watching soap operas and eating Dove chocolate bars. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I'm a person who loves activity. I'd go as far to say that I thrive on it. My idea of a great day is not laying in bed with my feet propped up but a day filled with lots a things on my to-do list. The more items on my list that get checked off the better.

So why am I in bed? Well....

This morning I twisted my ankle while playing tennis, hence the propping and feather pillows. Fortunately, one of my tennis partner's is a physical therapist and quickly diagnosed my problem while I laid on the tennis court holding my foot and trying to keep from throwing up. Another tennis partner had a connection with an orthopedic doctor and was able to get an appointment for me within an hour's time.

My husband drove me to the doctor's office where I athletically hopped on one foot to the receptionist desk, still in my tennis skirt and one tennis shoe. Secretly I wanted to cry but I decided to play it cool - like I had it all together. I figured it was just a bad sprain which has happened numerous times before. A couple of days in bed and I'd be back to normal. All I needed to do was stay positive, think happy thoughts, and everything would be honky dory.

When the receptionist finally called my name, I assured my husband that he didn't need to come into the room with me. I'd be just find and he could stay in the waiting area and watch their big flat screen t.v.. I told him that I'd be out in a few minutes, or so I thought.

After completing more paperwork and answering a few questions, I hopped my way down the hall and into the x-ray room. My x-rays were taken and now I just had to wait for the results. I intently studied the technician's facial expressions as she viewed my x-rays, trying to determine whether or not she could see if my foot was broken. She quietly mumbled a couple of "hummmms" and then escorted me back to my room without saying a word. Guess I was going to have to wait for the doctor to give me the results.

The wait was much longer than I had imagined and while I waited my happy thoughts and positive attitude began to diminish. Those familiar "what if", "what now", and "why" thoughts started to float around in my mind.

What if my foot was broken? What now that school is over and the kids would be home? Why did this have to happen to me? What if my foot is broken? Will I need a big cast and crutches? What about our family vacation next month? Will I have to cancel our plans?

All these thoughts began to swarm around in my head like bees hovering around a bee hive. As I sat staring at the floor with my foot throbbing and my hands cupping my face, two words popped into my mind. Those two words were "look up".

Look up?

Again, those two words popped into my head. "Look up!" So, I did and four feet away from me was a huge frame on the wall. In the center of the frame was a beautiful pastel patch work art piece and the words below it read

Doubt is the flipside of Faith

As I read those words, God whispered into my heart. Leah, what are you going to choose? Doubt or Faith? You can't have both.

I read it again.

Doubt is the flip side of Faith

How could I have missed that frame when I came into that room? I had been sitting there for over 15 minutes, the art piece was huge, and it had been there the whole time! How could I have missed something so obvious?

All of a sudden, the answer was clear. For I had become so filled with fear and doubt that my eyes were blinded to the truth. Although the truth was right in front of me, it had been hidden by a blanket of "what if's" and "why me" questions. Now, God was asking me to make a choice. Would I choose to doubt him or have faith in Him.

Doubt is the flip side of faith

When I realized what had just happened and how God chose to reveal himself to me in such a real and personal way, my heavy heart was replaced with joy.

I whispered back to him "God, I choose faith!"

I started rehearsing in my mind all the scripture verses I knew about God's faithfulness and provision. I began to tell him how thankful I was that my accident wasn't worse and that I'd trust him no matter what the test results would reveal.

When the doctor finally came in, he said my x-rays showed there were no breaks or fractures in my foot. Although I had torn some ligaments and my recovery would not be a quick one, there would be no need for a cast or crutches. Only a light material boot cast would be needed for me to wear.

As I hopped my way back to the reception area, I did so with a smile on my face. I couldn't wait to tell my husband what had happened and how God showed up in my time of need. He challenged me to choose and choose I did because....

Faith is the flip side of Doubt.

Here I am to Worship

I just love to read! There is just something thrilling about stretching open the tight binding of a brand new book, scanning through those crisp pages that often times stick together, and taking in that unusual scent of writer's ink.

This morning I started a new book called "The Air I breathe" by Louie Giglio. The caption on the back cover says "Everybody worships something. What captures your time and attention?"
When I read those two little sentences for the very first time (at my local bookstore), I can assure you they immediately captured my attention.

In his book, Louie doesn't waste any time and gets right down to business in the very first chapter. He states that "worship is simply our response to what we value the most. Worship determines our actions, becoming the driving force for all we do."

Those words really made me think. It gave me a whole different perspective on worship. I grew up to believe that worship is basically singing songs and hymns to God. Worship is something I do at church with other believers once or twice a week. Or maybe when I pop in a great Christian CD while I'm running errands in my car. I sing at the top of my lungs when my boys are with me and they just roll their eyes and say "oh mom, people are looking at you!"

But that is not how Louie describes worship at all.

Instead, he explains that it's not just the religious crowd who worships but everybody on planet earth. "Everyone responds to what they value the most. Everyone has an altar. And every altar has a throne."

He then goes onto share that " if you follow the trail of your time, affection, energy, loyalty and yes, even money, you'll find your throne. Whatever or whoever is on that throne is what or who you worship. " After reading this, I began to ask myself these questions...

How do I spend most of my time and energy?

Who or what am I committed to?

Where does most of my money go?

What do I value the most in life?

Who or what do I truly worship?

These were really tough questions! I have to tell you that the answers were painfully revealing and quite sobering, to say the least. Yet through this process, God specifically showed me areas in my life that need some adjusting. Subjects of focus that I have no business focusing on. People in my life that are getting to much of my attention. Energy spent on worldly things and loyalty in all the wrong places.

I decided to do a bible search on the word worship and discovered that it appears over 300 times. Luke 4 captured my attention as I read about how Jesus responded to the devil while he was in the wilderness for forty days. Christ's response to Satan sums up our answer to whom we are to worship.

Jesus answered, "It is written, 'worship the Lord God and serve him only.' " Luke 4:8

There's our answer! Now that we know the truth, I'd encourage you to ask the same questions that I asked myself.

How do you spend most of your time and energy?

Who or what are you committed to?

Where does most of your money go?

What do you value the most in your life?

What or who do you truly worship?

I pray that God gently reveals to you, as he did to me, the areas in your life that need some adjusting. Maybe some commitments that you've made to others which have been unhealthy. How about that one thing which captures your focus and energy throughout the day. What about the purchases you keep making that the worlds says will bring value and contentment to your life.

You and I were created by God and made for Him alone. We exist to worship him and reflect back to God his matchless glory. He alone should be the focus of our attention. He is the One and Only that we should worship. And, when we seek and worship him alone, he promises to take care of everything else in our lives. Now that's good news!

Mom vs. Xbox

There it was!

Staring back at me as if to ask "What are ya gonna do about it, huh?" A big fat zero on my son's math homework assignment... again. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs but instead I immediately started rubbing the back of my neck, which is exactly what I do when I feel stressed. Let me tell ya, stressed? Oh yes!

Honestly, I really was feeling hopeful as I logged onto my son's school web site that day to check his grades for the week.

Yes, his grades had been slipping the last couple of weeks.

Yes, Keith & I had taken appropriate steps and removed some of our son's privileges as a consequence.

Yes, we told my son that we are so proud of him and he could do so much better.

Yes, he was sorry and apologized.

So what's up with the big zero? It wasn't as if he did the assignment and got a low grade. He didn't even turn the assignment in! I thought he had learned his lesson this time. What about that long talk we had regarding poor choices and consequences to actions. I thought he understood.

As I continued to rub my neck, I began thinking about that dang Xbox which has been occupying way too much of my son's time and attention. All if his friends play too and it's become a (slightly addictive - in my opinion) social networking activity. What ever happened to "come on over and let's play football in the yard"?

It was time this "stealth" mom to take action.

I called a close friend who's son plays Xbox with my son and confided in her about our little problem. She confessed that she was having the exact same struggles with her son. Together, we came up with a plan to limit the amount of time our boys could play Xbox and agreed to pray for one another. When my husband came home from work, I shared with him too all that had transpired. We prayed together and decided to talk with our son later on that day.

When our son came home from school, we all sat down and talked about his grades, our concerns about Xbox and the new rules of play moving forward. We allowed him to ask questions and explain his side of the story. Most importantly we told him that our decisions made after much prayer, discussion and the fact that we loved him and wanted the very best for him. We told he that he may not agree with our decision but that he would have to trust our love for him.

Amazingly, he understood and agreed with us about everything! God was definitely at work and we were so thankful that this situation brought us closer together as a family and didn't cause division or anger.

I'm so glad that God allows the little inconveniences like Xbox and incomplete assignments to help mold and shape us into the loving and obedient family He longs us to be.

Home Sweet Home

I woke up this morning in a cold sweat.

It wasn't because my husband turned up the thermostat too high or that I'm having premenopausal hot flashes. It was because I had a bad dream.

Actually, many people would consider it to be a really good dream - but not me. I dreamed that we sold our home.

About a month ago, my husband and I made the difficult decision to put our house up for sale. When we purchased it two years ago the our grand idea was that it would be a great investment opportunity. Our big plan was to fix it up, stay in it for two years and then sell. Sounds really good, right? I totally was on board with the idea from the get go.

There's just one problem though.

As much as I tried not to. As much as I told myself "Leah, don't get attached. " As much as I worked at staying focused on our big plan, something unexpected happened. When we began to spruce up our new investment, it no longer was just a house that we were living in. It became our home...Home Sweet Home.

Fun family activities began to take place.

Special conversations and wonderful life moments occurred.

Great memories were created.

God's presence filled each room, nook and cranny.

Home Sweet Home.

In the back of my mind, I whispered to myself and to God. Maybe our family business will continue to grow and we can actually stay in our home. Maybe God, you'll do something amazing and we can live here until our boys go off to college. Then I'll be ready to move,I promise! But, not just yet, God. Not just yet.

While I secretly dreamed and planned of staying, uncontrollable events began to happen. We were greatly affected by the economical down slope like so many of you. Instead of our family business thriving it became stagnant. Instead of our bank accounts and investments increasing, they started to decrease.

The decision time came.

The moment I dreaded.

Our home would be put on the market for sale.

Home Sweet Home.

Have tears been shed? Absolutely! Have I become more emotional? No doubt! Have I pleaded with God? You know it!

Something I've noticed through this process is how differently Keith and I are reacting to our current situation. He is excited and ready for the next house, the next move, the next experience. Yet, I'm sad, discouraged and desperately holding on to the past memories and our home. I'm not interested in moving or make any changes. I'm totally frustrated, thank you very much!

I've asked God to show me the reason why I'm reacting so differently than Keith is to the sale of our home. He's revealing to me through His word that the difference is found in our attitudes and thoughts. Although that has been really hard for me to accept, it's the absolute truth.

Keith is always ready for a new adventure with God. He always believes that if God chooses to take away something, He does so only to give us something better. Keith has the right attitude and thoughts.

I, on the other hand, struggle with doubt. Although I know that God's plan is good and daily read promises about his faithfulness to those he loves, I still struggle. I secretly think that God is some how holding out on us. Even though I know better, the thoughts still come and find residence in my mind. I have the wrong attitude and thoughts.

Remember that dream I was telling you about and the cold sweats this morning? My first reaction was to quietly climb out of bed, grab my bible and head for my cozy prayer chair in our family living room. It was there that I cried, questioned God's plan once again and ask Him to give me a verse that I could hold onto.

I flipped through my bible and ended up in Isaiah 43 where the following words jumped off the page.

Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wastelands.
Isaiah 43: 18-19

God is doing a new thing in my life. The key is that I need to stop dwelling in the past and perceive what He is doing today. I need to change my attitude and thoughts.

God is doing a new thing in your life too. Are you dwelling on the past like me? Do you want to hold onto things as they are right now? Are you afraid of change and doubtful that God will make something new for you? He is making a way in your desert and streams in your wasteland. Now it springs up, do you not see it?

Let's commit to trust Him together. Let's decide that today we will keep our thoughts focused on His goodness and promises. That our attitudes would be pleasing to him. Let's keep our eyes open to the new things that he is doing for us. I don't want to miss it, do you?

I want God to not only be a part of my life but to be my life. That he would fill every room of my body, soul and spirit. Every nook and cranny.

That He would be my home.

Home Sweet Home.